Fock the Koontz

The best movie of the year made by the people who brought you Little Fockers. The experts in witty alternative spellings bring you now Fock the Koontz, where „oo” reads like in blood, get it? A hilarious family friendly adventure with five twists that leave you guessing and a surprise ending you’ll never anticipate: Little Focker’s best friend, D. Ildo, get it? actually killed himself!!!

Following the tragic death of his entire family, Little Focker is remodeling his summer cottage when a tape left by absolutely nobody reveals that his best friend was tortured and killed by a group of disgruntled Iraq war veterans who were brainwashed in a cruel and deadly government plot to transform America in a war-raging theocracy for the benefit of big military corporations. He swears revenge but first he must win a dance contest in which the participants must also be good spellers. He teams with his ex-girlfriend who is secretly a zombie vampire from the future and from another planet. To escape her dominant father and reclusive mother, they must abandon their life of luxury in suburbia and travel to Sao Paulo, Moscow, Seoul, Minsk, Beijing, Knoxville, Shanghai, Pretoria, Osaka and Hillsdale, Michigan. With everything on the line, they learn ancient martial arts and fall in love, but Little Focker does not reveal his dark secret: he is actually a robot, from the future and from another planet, whose heart used to belong to a teenage stripper killed by incompetent mobsters by mistake. In their fantastic Odyssey, they foil the killing spree of the DC Sniper, John Allen Muhammad, a White Christian fundamentalist and receive advice from the ghosts of Little Focker’s slain family. When they finally arrive at the dance competition, a stranger locks them in a basement and announces that he will slay one of them every day until either they solve Gödel’s incompleteness theorems in a novel way or make sense of the plot in Vantage Point. Nothing is what it seems in this dreadful and charming animated spy mystery featuring blood-thirsty vampires, robot monkeys, talking dogs and Bollywood dancing numbers.

Pedro Almodovar writes and directs this colorful, romantic and tragic Cannes nominated thriller which paints a bleak image of post 9/11 paranoid America. A remake of last year’s remake with the same title and screenplay, but now with a very implausible happy ending, starring Ellen Page, Natalie Portman, Anne Hathaway, Zenza Raggi, Scarlett Johansson, Keira Knightley, Megan Fox, and Danny de Vito as Robert de Niro. Rated PG-13 for extreme gore and violence, drug use, sexually-oriented nudity, smoking, and unhealthy eating habits. In 3-D everywhere.

Numere in ordine alfabetica

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Stiri cu care ne mandrim

„Associated Press Television News saw at least 100 Gypsy men, women and children arrive by bus at Paris’ Charles de Gaulle airport Friday. The plane landed in Timisoara, in western Romania, late Friday afternoon with 124 Roma aboard.”

Uau in numai doua ore! Asta da performanta!

Alune

Sa nu ziceti despre mine cas racsist da nu vi se pare ca o parte din vitezele la bicicleta sunt inutile?

Un film super tare beton

Mey ce film am vazut eu e foarte interesant. Sa vil povestesc. Cica era unu care fuma mult. Da tigara dupa tigara. Siavea o nevasta frumoasa care nu fuma. Bine ca din cand in cand tragea si ea una da vorbesc asa in general vorbind. Si la un moment dat asta sia pierdut memoria si nu mai stia pe unde sa lase mucurile de tigare ca navea memorie ca sio pierduse. Memoria. Si cand a ajuns acasa de la lucru cam uitat sa spun ca era dirijor de orchestra la o facultate mai mica din provincie ca sa vezi ca nula dus capu sa ajunga in Capitala. Casai si la ei aia mai destepti ajungen Capitala aia care nui duce capu la o facultate mai mican provincie. Sau se scrie cu P mare ca si Capitala? Adica Capitala se scrie cu C mare ca e un nume de capitala da ce vreau sa spun e ca si provincia se scrie tot cu litera mare ca nu e un nume cas mai multe. Orase sate ceare ei acolo la ei in Provincie. In fine sa nu divazgam. Deci asta vine acasa de la lucru si vede o gramada de chistoace si se supara tare ca cine lea lasat pe unde lea lasat ca el numai tinea minte ca el lea lasat ca sia pierdut memoria. Si asa sa suparat cavut atac de cord. Sia murit. Si cand la vazut sotia asa tare sa suparat ca si ia a avut atac de cord sia murit. Si atunci vine vecinu care am uitat sava spun ca era amantu la sotie si ce scene sexy dam uitat sa va spun asta. Si asta cand ii vede pe amandoi morti na facut atac de cord ca de fapt lui nui pasa de ei nici de el da chiar si nici de ea. Si sia aprins o tigara si a lasat mucu pe unde nici nu ti vine sa crezi. Si astai tot. Ia spus In dormitor. Da nam inteles dece ca mai toata actiunea se petrecea mai mult in sufragerie. Bine mai putin scenele alea sexy de caream uitat sa vile povestesc. Super tare.

Obama are 793 noi idei dea face lumea mai buna

Deci printre ele:

74: sa nu mai mananci popcorn la cinema tograf si sa tot fosnesti din punga aia de hartie casa nu auda ailalti ce spune actori.

437: daca mergi in vacanta sa scri o vedere la toata lumea care o cunosti.

529: daca mergi la capitala sa iti cumperi bilet de troleu ca nui frumos sa furi.

612: sa mancam cate putin peste daca se poate in fiecare zi ca pestele are nu stiu ce omega care ne ajuta sa fim mai destepti.

Bine ca nu toate sunt originale da macar are omu idei nuca Bush care nul ducea mintea sau nui pasa ce faci tu la mare si la film. Obama spera sa le poate trece pe toate in lege pana la sfarsitul saptamani sau in cel mai rau caz al luni.

Michael Jackson a murit

La nu mai nu mai stiu cati ani avea da se scrie pe bloguri asa ca nui greu sa se afle la cati ani a murit. Mare baschetbalist si poate ca uni nu stiu da a jucat si basebal. Da miemi placea si de Denis Rodeman.

Va dati seama?

Cum stateam eu asa in pat mam gandit la ce se va intampla in vitor. Va dati seama ca daca pui un milion de maimute sa bata la tastatura la un milion de calculatoare intrun milion de ani pot sa produca urmatorul text:

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